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By Andrew Gift
BBC Pidgin, Lagos
My journey to widowerhood started three years in the past in an oncologist’s workplace in Nigeria’s capital, Abuja.
Had my wife, Grace, adopted the physician’s recommendation quite than search the assistance of non secular healers, I imagine that she would have survived breast most cancers and still be with me and our three-year-old daughter.
She had gone for assessments on a big lump on her breast and the physician stated they had revealed that there was an “invasive carcinoma”.
I didn’t perceive what this meant and he defined that “the tumour is cancerous and we need to begin the process of managing it immediately to avoid a spread”.
Grace regarded fearful and weak, and I bear in mind taking our child – who was then only one month outdated – out of her arms as I used to be afraid of what she may do subsequent.
There was an answer
But the specialist assured us that with remedy she would survive. He suggested a course of chemotherapy after which probably a mastectomy, or surgical procedure to take away her breasts.
Through the fog of that day I attempted to carry on to that concept {that a} resolution was doable and that I would still have a life with Grace, who I had solely began courting simply over a yr earlier than.
We first met in the unromantic setting of a busy bus terminus in Abuja. She was having a row with a bus conductor who had overcharged her for her baggage and I went over to calm the scenario. We ended up chatting on the journey after which exchanging numbers.
I used to be 33 on the time and feeing very lonely. As the eldest son, I used to be continuously being reminded that the place I come from in jap Nigeria, the custom is to marry younger and my junior siblings had already overwhelmed me to it.
Nevertheless, I waited a number of months earlier than I got again in contact with Grace and found we lived shut to one another. We grew to become very shut mates after which agreed to marry.
But 13 months on from our marriage ceremony got here the most cancers analysis.
There isn’t any free most cancers remedy right here and Grace’s medical insurance coverage would not cowl the prices, so I had to make plans to borrow the cash.
In complete the invoice would come to 600,000 naira ($1,500; £1,200) and I got a mortgage to pay for the primary spherical of remedy.
My worst ever determination
But on my approach to the pharmacy to purchase the primary set of chemotherapy medicine, Grace referred to as to inform me that she was not going to proceed. Rather she had religion that God would heal her.
She informed me that the chemotherapy would kill the wholesome cells in the physique in addition to the cancerous ones, and she most popular to place her belief in faith. It is true that the medicine can harm wholesome cells, however consultants say this harm doesn’t often final.
I attempted to persuade Grace to vary her thoughts, however it was made up and I felt compelled to agree to hunt various options – the worst determination I ever made.
Most Nigerians are very spiritual and in terms of well being points many desire to hunt assist from locations of worship quite than the hospital.
Grace’s determination to refuse chemotherapy was knowledgeable by the recommendation she obtained from family and friends. Many right here imagine that it could actually kill you and Grace got scared.
She did comply with have an operation to take away the tumour however this was a short lived resolution because the most cancers returned in a really aggressive method.
Andrew Gift
Most of those healers took cash and promised us miracles. Some informed her that the day she visits a hospital would be the day that she would die”
My wife was a very strong woman and she bore the pain for two years without seeing a doctor.
We did however visit churches and prayer centres, including that of the famous prophet TB Joshua, yet no solution came.
Most of these healers took money and promised us miracles. Some told her that the day she visits a hospital would be the day that she would die.
We also explored traditional treatments, recommended by friends and relations.
Not allowed to say the most cancers
We prayed together and did regular exercise, she took herbs and fruits, and denied herself some other foods and yet the pain did not end.
I tried to convince to talk to a doctor, but she refused. Even when she went to get treated for malaria in the hospital, she insisted that I did not mention the cancer.
By June last year, it was obvious that she was losing weight and was becoming weaker.
Then in July, her health had deteriorated so much that I had no option other than to take her to hospital as she was struggling to breathe and unable to stand up.
The first two hospitals where I tried to get her admitted would not take her on, but a third one agreed to manage her case.
How can you see breast most cancers?
The most common sign of breast cancer is a lump or thickening in the breast – but there are other symptoms too.
- Change in size or feel of the breast
- Changes in the skin of the breast, such as dimpling or redness
- Fluid leaking from the nipple, outside of pregnancy or breast feeding
- Change in position of the nipple
These symptoms can be caused by other conditions, so it is important to get any lumps or changes checked by a doctor.
Source: The UK’s National Health Service
Tests confirmed that the cancer had spread, including to the second breast, her lungs and her bones. And the doctor told me that there was no treatment that could save her.
Chemotherapy was recommended to manage the situation and Grace accepted this. But between July and November she was in and out of hospital on a regular basis.
At times, I lived in my car that was parked in the hospital grounds. When I woke up early in the morning, I would wash in a place hidden from view and then dress and go to work from there.
At that point, although she was distraught herself, Grace’s mother gave me a lot of support.
Often when I was working, the doctors would call to tell me that Grace was having a seizure and I would have to rush to the hospital.
I fell into debt in order to pay for the hospital bills, but I wanted to make sure that money was never going to be a reason for poor medical treatment.
I could tell that our daughter, Princess Gold MmesomaChukwu, who was staying at a friend’s house, was also suffering and she missed the warmth of her mother’s embrace.
I did take her to the hospital once, but I could tell that she was very disturbed and she was not sure how to react to the situation.
Finally, in November Grace’s painful headaches indicated that the cancer had spread to her brain and she went into a coma and never woke up.
She died on the age of 33.
Tasting the sweetness of marriage and then losing it like this was very painful.
I am now lonely, depressed and find it hard to concentrate. There are tears every day.
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I started a Facebook page in Grace’s memory and to try and raise awareness about cancer, as it seemed to me that many in Nigeria did not know much about it.
People need to be better informed about the best means of managing the disease and more money needs to be spent on getting this message across to ordinary people.
I still hear stories, including that of the wife of a friend of mine, of people refusing chemotherapy in favour of religious healing.
Yes, religion and our traditions still have a very big role to play in our lives, but that should not come at the cost of losing a love one.
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